Honestly, this title could describe most of my runs. Confession: right before I go running, I never want to go; I always want to skip. Always. I’m just getting really good at knowing better and not listening to that voice.
On Monday I almost skipped my run, but made a last minute decision to go anyways and it was a good choice. You know how it is when you know that a run is the best thing for you, but your bad mood has you convinced that you should just skip it? That was me on Monday.
I’m taking my second actuarial test in less than a week, and I really don’t have a good feeling about this one. (I know, I never have a good feeling about tests, but this time it’s a little worse.) I spent Monday reviewing practice test questions that were WAY harder than I expected, which made me feel like I am woefully unprepared. It was a MAJOR BUMMER.
By 5 PM I hadn’t run yet, and I was pretty discouraged and grumpy. Even though I only had a short easy run planned, I was pretty sure I was just going to skip it. I took a 10 minute break, googled “failing actuary exams”, and then Jeff got home from work and we had dinner and went for a walk. All of these activities gave me a little more perspective, and by the time we got back from our walk I was feeling okay about my back up plan (in case you’re interested, the back up plan is to retake the test in August), and had moved on to talking about/planning my next marathon.
I was still iffy on whether or not I wanted to run, but nothing gets me interested in running faster than thinking about an impending race – and when I started thinking/talking about a fall marathon, I’d planted a little seed – so I decided to get changed and see how I felt. Once in my spiffy running gear, I still didn’t feel like running, but I’d gone through the effort of getting changed, so I figured I might as well just go. (Ha…it’s one of the ways I trick myself).
Once I got going, I had a great time, as usual. I did a short easy run which included (5) 20 second strides. I ended up going quite fast, burning off all the frustration of the day, and by the time I got home I felt much better.
I still don’t feel confident about my test, but having been hyper focused on studying all day, failing had started to seem like a lot bigger deal than it is. Once I got some perspective, I stopped freaking out about it. I knew when I made the decision to take the test in June that it was pushing it a bit, and with a 53% pass rate on the last sitting, I certainly won’t be alone if I fail. If I don’t get it this time, I’ll just stick with it and get it in August.
It’s funny how sometimes the best way for me to get out of my head is to just get out the door.